remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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