Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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