I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
