guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
