Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
