I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
