Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
