The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
