White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
