i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
