I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
