My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
