he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
