it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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