I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
