I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
