we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
