I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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