Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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