I didn't shave. On purpose
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
