Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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