remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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