Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
