Pregnant stripper...not hot.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
