either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
