just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
