I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
