I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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