the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
