Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
