So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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