My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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