i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
