its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
