the day after is always just damage control
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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