Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
