Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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