I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
