Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
