would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
