I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
