I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
