you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
