"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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