my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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