So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
