We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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