She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
