i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
