I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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